|
 I Love You, Beth Cooper stars “Heroes’” Hayden Panettiere and not only manages to kill the cheerleader, but takes the movie down with her as well.
Brainiac high school debate geek and valedictorian Denis Cooverman (Paul Rust, who actually looks older than his parents played by Alan Ruck and Cynthia Stevenson) follows the inexpert advice of his sexually confused, movie trivia spouting best bud Rich Munsch (Jack T. Carpenter) and utters the five word phrase of the movie title at the podium during graduation. Denis doesn’t stop there; after professing his unrequited love for the high school head cheerleader (Hayden Panettiere), he proceeds to publicly out Rich, suggest the school bully comes from an abusive home, the school bitch is insecure and Beth’s super buff roided-up boyfriend in uniform Kevin (Shawn Roberts) dates her due to an inability to relate with women his own age. There is a message buried here about being true to one’s self and owning your issues, but it’s understandably lost on the graduating class of Buffalo Grove High School.
Beth does not seem deserving of such devotion. She’s a self-centered girl who has no qualms in coldly informing Denis that he embarrassed her. Unable to leave well enough alone, she then drags her gal pals Cammy (Lauren London) and Treece (Lauren Storm, who is the only character with consistently funny one-liners in the movie) along to make an appearance at his party as a joke. But the joke’s on Beth--big bad boyfriend Kevin stalks her down, trashes the lovely Cooverman residence and sends Denis, Rich, Beth and the girls running in terror for the hills for the night of their lives.
 Beth never really proves she’s also pretty on the inside. She’s a menace behind the wheel and makes out with the cashier at the convenience store in order to score some beer. Lines such as “Am I everything you ever masturbated to?” hardly gives Beth any level of likability or makes the movie mildly amusing. In-between random scenes of attempted cow tipping, party crashing, car smashing, co-ed showers and wild raccoon attacks, Denis learns that Beth was named after a KISS song, has little self-esteem and believes there’s no life for her after high school. It’s very possible that Miss Panettiere may have no career for her after this movie.
Director Chris Columbus has Mrs. Doubtfire, Adventures in Babysitting and the first two Home Alone features to his credit. Larry Doyle, writer for “The Simpsons” and “Beavis and Butt-Head,” based the screenplay on his popular novel of the same title. Here’s a duo that should have been able to deliver at least a slightly memorable teenage coming of age flick and I Love You, Beth Cooper must have looked great on paper. It falls apart on-screen, though, rife with uninteresting and un-relatable characters, contrived dialogue, purposeless, unfunny scenes and no visible stakes. The only reason these five characters seem to hang out together all night is because it was in the script. We all need to learn that “you’re not alive unless you’re living,” but there has to be a better way for Denis and Rich to experience a life-changing experience than stepping in cow pies and getting caught in Spider-Man undies. Rich at least gets coerced into a ménage à trois with Cammy and Treece, but it didn’t look like anyone particularly had a good time.
I Love You, Beth Cooper is available on DVD (Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, MSRP: $27.98) and Blu-ray (MSRP: $39.99). Both versions have special features and extras for fans of the movie, Rust and Panettiere.
The “Outrageous Alternate Ending” is one final confrontation between Denis and Beth’s old boyfriend Kevin, and closer than the theatrical release to the finale of the novel. The alternate ending would have made the film slightly wackier, but the predicament, which has Denis cornered by the three revenge-seeking army dudes, does not differ from the original version.
 There are seven minutes of fairly mundane and uneventful deleted scenes. For the most part, these are extensions of existing scenes with a few minor character moments here and there. Anyone looking for restored key scenes from the novel cut from the theatrical version of the movie will be sadly disappointed.
Featurettes include “I Love You, Larry Doyle,” a brief and mildly interesting discussion with the screenwriter and novelist; “We Are Different, But That’s a Good Thing,” a behind-the-scenes piece on the natural friendships that were made on set that shows the leads crediting each other as “really funny” or “interesting” and sharing the backstories they created for their characters per the request of director Columbus (this information doesn’t make any part of the movie any more endearing); and “Peanut Butter Toast,” an improvised song by Paul Rust performed while he makes and eats…peanut butter toast.
Finally, there are two “Fox Movie Channel Presents” segments featuring brief interviews with Paul Rust and Hayden Panettiere and trailers for upcoming Twentieth Century Fox releases.
I Love You, Beth Cooper attempts to become the hybrid mutant child of Judd Apatow and John Hughes, but this goal might have been better served with an outrageous alternate movie to go with the outrageous alternate ending.
I Love You, Beth Cooper is now available on DVD and Blu-ray.
|